JAcK0R
11-14-2007, 12:30 AM
Haze is Korny?
By Mattato
Recently Ubisoft announced that it’s upcoming PS3 exclusive (And definitely not a soon to be Xbox 360 port, for reals yo) Haze would feature an original song created by Nu Metal band Korn (With a reversed ‘K’, because Jonathan Davis might only have the education of a 3rd grader.). Not surprisingly, the song has the titular title “Haze.” By ‘titular’, we do not refer to female breasts, of course.
Many Nu Metal fans who owned Playstation 3’s rejoiced, while the other 97 percent of the world’s population groaned in despair. The Earth echoed with mournful cries, carrying their symphony of sorrow across the globe.
To complement this odd move, Ubisoft has announced a full-on marketing plan to associate Haze’s release with fresh produce. Yes, that is correct, Haze will be marketed with vitamin and iron-rich foods. A representative from Ubisoft shared this comment:
“You see, Haze’s setting is in South America, and we figured what better way to pay tribute to the land that plays host to this awesome game than with vegetables. I mean, what else do they do down there anyways? Wear loincloths and shoot blowdarts? I think they grow pot down there too. Hehe… By the way people, I am seeing some crazy-ass **** right now. This stuff will broaden your mind, man…mans…”
Ubisoft plans to do this by offering free ears of corn with each pre-ordered copy of Haze. Plans are to randomly pack in with each copy either sweet corn, dent corn, or even waxy corn. The jury is still out if popcorn will be alongside the other pack-ins or not. In a move similar to Halo Jesus’ marketing pandemonium, the French-based publisher also plans to push several pieces of Haze merchandise.
“We have a promising “Haze” Veggie drink being handled by Campbell. This is following the example set by the Halo Mountain Dew Game Fuel. We believe that Campbell’s previous experience with the successful V8 vegetable beverage line of drinks will prove an invaluable asset to our marketing scheme. Did I say scheme? I meant mind-control ploy. Did I just say mind-control ploy? I meant the installation of the Glorious Regime of Ubisoft. Err, I think I’m just going to stop talking now.”
By Mattato
Recently Ubisoft announced that it’s upcoming PS3 exclusive (And definitely not a soon to be Xbox 360 port, for reals yo) Haze would feature an original song created by Nu Metal band Korn (With a reversed ‘K’, because Jonathan Davis might only have the education of a 3rd grader.). Not surprisingly, the song has the titular title “Haze.” By ‘titular’, we do not refer to female breasts, of course.
Many Nu Metal fans who owned Playstation 3’s rejoiced, while the other 97 percent of the world’s population groaned in despair. The Earth echoed with mournful cries, carrying their symphony of sorrow across the globe.
To complement this odd move, Ubisoft has announced a full-on marketing plan to associate Haze’s release with fresh produce. Yes, that is correct, Haze will be marketed with vitamin and iron-rich foods. A representative from Ubisoft shared this comment:
“You see, Haze’s setting is in South America, and we figured what better way to pay tribute to the land that plays host to this awesome game than with vegetables. I mean, what else do they do down there anyways? Wear loincloths and shoot blowdarts? I think they grow pot down there too. Hehe… By the way people, I am seeing some crazy-ass **** right now. This stuff will broaden your mind, man…mans…”
Ubisoft plans to do this by offering free ears of corn with each pre-ordered copy of Haze. Plans are to randomly pack in with each copy either sweet corn, dent corn, or even waxy corn. The jury is still out if popcorn will be alongside the other pack-ins or not. In a move similar to Halo Jesus’ marketing pandemonium, the French-based publisher also plans to push several pieces of Haze merchandise.
“We have a promising “Haze” Veggie drink being handled by Campbell. This is following the example set by the Halo Mountain Dew Game Fuel. We believe that Campbell’s previous experience with the successful V8 vegetable beverage line of drinks will prove an invaluable asset to our marketing scheme. Did I say scheme? I meant mind-control ploy. Did I just say mind-control ploy? I meant the installation of the Glorious Regime of Ubisoft. Err, I think I’m just going to stop talking now.”