News Bot
04-27-2009, 10:10 AM
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Turns out I’m not a huge fan of the Driver series; you’re learning things about me, maybe we share stuff in common, feel like hanging out? You buy dinner and I’ll bring the wine.
But let’s organise it later, right now I’ve got stuff to do, people need to hear why I dislike Driver and why Ubisoft trademarking a new Driver game is a bad idea.
Seriously, people are dying to hear about it, after the jump.
Cars are boring. Jeremy Clarkson has lied to you all this time; they say the greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist. No, the greatest trick was convincing people that stupid pieces of machinery matter more than their ability at easing travel. But let us pretend for a second that cars are exiting. Playing through a Driver game would make you see things through my eyes.
Before even playing the first game, the player was subjected to one of the most frustrating sequences possible; I could fill up an entire other feature talking about it. Mention “Driver’s training level” to anyone worth their weight in videogame-cred (this would be a lot of weight, these people are massive) and they’ll tell you the same thing:
It sucked. You got no help in figuring out how you were supposed to perform a list of tasks, there was an arbitrary limit on how many times your car could get bumped, and just to piss in your cornflakes, there was a time limit too. It was gruelling.
On top of that, even for an early 2000 game it wasn’t compelling. Driver isn’t a racing game; this would have given it some sort of competitive aspect. It was simply travel from point A to point B. Many other games can be simplified to the same extent, but in some of those games you’re playing as a dragon.
Dragons are sweet, cars are boring.
Driver 2 came out the year after, I am of the opinion that decent franchises with yearly instalments over saturate the market (Activision, for example shot themselves in the foot last year by releasing another Call of Duty game while the other is still selling strong). The biggest inclusion in this sequel was the ability to leave your car, serving little to no purpose and probably took away from its pacing. I don’t even want to talk about this game anymore, and I always want to talk about games. Driv3r!
That game won my award for “least intelligent title of 2004” (quite a surprise, given that the stupidly named Joint Operations: Typhoon Rising also came out that year), the developers also won an award for “playing GTA and attempting to make a similar game, missing out what made it special”. I played no further than a demo and quickly realised that despite claims that the series would be updated, it was still as awful as it has ever been…
…Something that leads me to Driver: The Recruit, (totally neglecting to mention “Parallel Lines” because before researching this piece I’d never heard of it. That’s an achievement by the way, I hear about everything. I’m like an eagle, with great hearing).
The claim that Driver can be updated is always going to be a falsehood; its main premise doesn’t allow for advancement past a very basic foundation, you travel, if you did anything else it would not be a Driver game. If it tried to really make the journey sections more fun, it would be Wheelman, a game that is only interesting because it is so astonishingly over the top. Driver is a game that belongs in an era that we’ve forgotten, a time when games were allowed to be terrible and that was of no consequence as we had very little frame of reference.
In a post-GTA4 world we can’t allow ourselves to sit through a crime drama that does nothing to set itself apart from the rest. Don’t buy Driver, don’t rent Driver, don’t visit any pages on Ubisoft’s website about Driver, don’t comment on news stories about Driver, and don’t casually glance at Driver sitting on the shelf of a store lest some impressionable youth misattribute it to passing delight. Perhaps then finally we will be free of this waste of data.
I hope you like this article; by the way, I hated writing it. Christ Driver is awful.
Source:
http://www.videogamesblogger.com/2009/04/26/driver-5-the-recruit-trademarked-by-ubisoft.htm
http://feeds2.feedburner.com/~ff/TheSarcasticGamer?d=yIl2AUoC8zA (http://feeds2.feedburner.com/~ff/TheSarcasticGamer?a=XlK5ZiDljKY:6NFoPZXXLqo:yIl2AU oC8zA) http://feeds2.feedburner.com/~ff/TheSarcasticGamer?d=dnMXMwOfBR0 (http://feeds2.feedburner.com/~ff/TheSarcasticGamer?a=XlK5ZiDljKY:6NFoPZXXLqo:dnMXMw OfBR0) http://feeds2.feedburner.com/~ff/TheSarcasticGamer?i=XlK5ZiDljKY:6NFoPZXXLqo:gIN9vF wOqvQ (http://feeds2.feedburner.com/~ff/TheSarcasticGamer?a=XlK5ZiDljKY:6NFoPZXXLqo:gIN9vF wOqvQ) http://feeds2.feedburner.com/~ff/TheSarcasticGamer?i=XlK5ZiDljKY:6NFoPZXXLqo:V_sGLi PBpWU (http://feeds2.feedburner.com/~ff/TheSarcasticGamer?a=XlK5ZiDljKY:6NFoPZXXLqo:V_sGLi PBpWU) http://feeds2.feedburner.com/~ff/TheSarcasticGamer?d=qj6IDK7rITs (http://feeds2.feedburner.com/~ff/TheSarcasticGamer?a=XlK5ZiDljKY:6NFoPZXXLqo:qj6IDK 7rITs) http://feeds2.feedburner.com/~ff/TheSarcasticGamer?i=XlK5ZiDljKY:6NFoPZXXLqo:F7zBnM yn0Lo (http://feeds2.feedburner.com/~ff/TheSarcasticGamer?a=XlK5ZiDljKY:6NFoPZXXLqo:F7zBnM yn0Lo) http://feeds2.feedburner.com/~ff/TheSarcasticGamer?i=XlK5ZiDljKY:6NFoPZXXLqo:D7DqB2 pKExk (http://feeds2.feedburner.com/~ff/TheSarcasticGamer?a=XlK5ZiDljKY:6NFoPZXXLqo:D7DqB2 pKExk) http://feeds2.feedburner.com/~ff/TheSarcasticGamer?d=7Q72WNTAKBA (http://feeds2.feedburner.com/~ff/TheSarcasticGamer?a=XlK5ZiDljKY:6NFoPZXXLqo:7Q72WN TAKBA) http://feeds2.feedburner.com/~ff/TheSarcasticGamer?d=l6gmwiTKsz0 (http://feeds2.feedburner.com/~ff/TheSarcasticGamer?a=XlK5ZiDljKY:6NFoPZXXLqo:l6gmwi TKsz0)
http://feeds2.feedburner.com/~r/TheSarcasticGamer/~4/XlK5ZiDljKY
Click here to view the article. (http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/TheSarcasticGamer/~3/XlK5ZiDljKY/driver-the-recruit-aka-%e2%80%9cfiver-this-is-how-much-it-will-cost-a-month-after-release%e2%80%9d.html)
Turns out I’m not a huge fan of the Driver series; you’re learning things about me, maybe we share stuff in common, feel like hanging out? You buy dinner and I’ll bring the wine.
But let’s organise it later, right now I’ve got stuff to do, people need to hear why I dislike Driver and why Ubisoft trademarking a new Driver game is a bad idea.
Seriously, people are dying to hear about it, after the jump.
Cars are boring. Jeremy Clarkson has lied to you all this time; they say the greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist. No, the greatest trick was convincing people that stupid pieces of machinery matter more than their ability at easing travel. But let us pretend for a second that cars are exiting. Playing through a Driver game would make you see things through my eyes.
Before even playing the first game, the player was subjected to one of the most frustrating sequences possible; I could fill up an entire other feature talking about it. Mention “Driver’s training level” to anyone worth their weight in videogame-cred (this would be a lot of weight, these people are massive) and they’ll tell you the same thing:
It sucked. You got no help in figuring out how you were supposed to perform a list of tasks, there was an arbitrary limit on how many times your car could get bumped, and just to piss in your cornflakes, there was a time limit too. It was gruelling.
On top of that, even for an early 2000 game it wasn’t compelling. Driver isn’t a racing game; this would have given it some sort of competitive aspect. It was simply travel from point A to point B. Many other games can be simplified to the same extent, but in some of those games you’re playing as a dragon.
Dragons are sweet, cars are boring.
Driver 2 came out the year after, I am of the opinion that decent franchises with yearly instalments over saturate the market (Activision, for example shot themselves in the foot last year by releasing another Call of Duty game while the other is still selling strong). The biggest inclusion in this sequel was the ability to leave your car, serving little to no purpose and probably took away from its pacing. I don’t even want to talk about this game anymore, and I always want to talk about games. Driv3r!
That game won my award for “least intelligent title of 2004” (quite a surprise, given that the stupidly named Joint Operations: Typhoon Rising also came out that year), the developers also won an award for “playing GTA and attempting to make a similar game, missing out what made it special”. I played no further than a demo and quickly realised that despite claims that the series would be updated, it was still as awful as it has ever been…
…Something that leads me to Driver: The Recruit, (totally neglecting to mention “Parallel Lines” because before researching this piece I’d never heard of it. That’s an achievement by the way, I hear about everything. I’m like an eagle, with great hearing).
The claim that Driver can be updated is always going to be a falsehood; its main premise doesn’t allow for advancement past a very basic foundation, you travel, if you did anything else it would not be a Driver game. If it tried to really make the journey sections more fun, it would be Wheelman, a game that is only interesting because it is so astonishingly over the top. Driver is a game that belongs in an era that we’ve forgotten, a time when games were allowed to be terrible and that was of no consequence as we had very little frame of reference.
In a post-GTA4 world we can’t allow ourselves to sit through a crime drama that does nothing to set itself apart from the rest. Don’t buy Driver, don’t rent Driver, don’t visit any pages on Ubisoft’s website about Driver, don’t comment on news stories about Driver, and don’t casually glance at Driver sitting on the shelf of a store lest some impressionable youth misattribute it to passing delight. Perhaps then finally we will be free of this waste of data.
I hope you like this article; by the way, I hated writing it. Christ Driver is awful.
Source:
http://www.videogamesblogger.com/2009/04/26/driver-5-the-recruit-trademarked-by-ubisoft.htm
http://feeds2.feedburner.com/~ff/TheSarcasticGamer?d=yIl2AUoC8zA (http://feeds2.feedburner.com/~ff/TheSarcasticGamer?a=XlK5ZiDljKY:6NFoPZXXLqo:yIl2AU oC8zA) http://feeds2.feedburner.com/~ff/TheSarcasticGamer?d=dnMXMwOfBR0 (http://feeds2.feedburner.com/~ff/TheSarcasticGamer?a=XlK5ZiDljKY:6NFoPZXXLqo:dnMXMw OfBR0) http://feeds2.feedburner.com/~ff/TheSarcasticGamer?i=XlK5ZiDljKY:6NFoPZXXLqo:gIN9vF wOqvQ (http://feeds2.feedburner.com/~ff/TheSarcasticGamer?a=XlK5ZiDljKY:6NFoPZXXLqo:gIN9vF wOqvQ) http://feeds2.feedburner.com/~ff/TheSarcasticGamer?i=XlK5ZiDljKY:6NFoPZXXLqo:V_sGLi PBpWU (http://feeds2.feedburner.com/~ff/TheSarcasticGamer?a=XlK5ZiDljKY:6NFoPZXXLqo:V_sGLi PBpWU) http://feeds2.feedburner.com/~ff/TheSarcasticGamer?d=qj6IDK7rITs (http://feeds2.feedburner.com/~ff/TheSarcasticGamer?a=XlK5ZiDljKY:6NFoPZXXLqo:qj6IDK 7rITs) http://feeds2.feedburner.com/~ff/TheSarcasticGamer?i=XlK5ZiDljKY:6NFoPZXXLqo:F7zBnM yn0Lo (http://feeds2.feedburner.com/~ff/TheSarcasticGamer?a=XlK5ZiDljKY:6NFoPZXXLqo:F7zBnM yn0Lo) http://feeds2.feedburner.com/~ff/TheSarcasticGamer?i=XlK5ZiDljKY:6NFoPZXXLqo:D7DqB2 pKExk (http://feeds2.feedburner.com/~ff/TheSarcasticGamer?a=XlK5ZiDljKY:6NFoPZXXLqo:D7DqB2 pKExk) http://feeds2.feedburner.com/~ff/TheSarcasticGamer?d=7Q72WNTAKBA (http://feeds2.feedburner.com/~ff/TheSarcasticGamer?a=XlK5ZiDljKY:6NFoPZXXLqo:7Q72WN TAKBA) http://feeds2.feedburner.com/~ff/TheSarcasticGamer?d=l6gmwiTKsz0 (http://feeds2.feedburner.com/~ff/TheSarcasticGamer?a=XlK5ZiDljKY:6NFoPZXXLqo:l6gmwi TKsz0)
http://feeds2.feedburner.com/~r/TheSarcasticGamer/~4/XlK5ZiDljKY
Click here to view the article. (http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/TheSarcasticGamer/~3/XlK5ZiDljKY/driver-the-recruit-aka-%e2%80%9cfiver-this-is-how-much-it-will-cost-a-month-after-release%e2%80%9d.html)