News Bot
07-23-2009, 01:30 PM
http://sarcasticgamer.com/wp/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/internetdickwad.jpgMike Krahulik is a GENIUS.
(Writer’s note: the harsh language in this article is being revamped with kinder, gentler terms so no one will take offense or feel badly about themselves.)
A*NEFARIOUS**VAGABOND is filing a lawsuit against Sony for banning his entire PSN account after he said some things on Resistance: Fall of Man. I had to jump on top of this story and strangle the humor out of it.* I love guys like this; they’re so damn entertaining.
Hey, sixteen-year-olds studying for your college entrance exams! Today, we’re going to learn a new word. And that word is “litigious”:
a: disputatious, contentious
b: prone to engage in lawsuits
Americans are a litigious people.* We are always looking for a way to make a quick million so we can hastily retire to the Caribbean and own a bevy of female slaves to tickle our nether regions.
There’s a reason it tells you on a little sticker on the side of your hair dryer not to use it while deep sea diving.* It means that someone* died*using their hair dryer while deep sea diving, and their family dragged the hair dryer company through years of costly legal proceedings because it explicitly did not tell their Darwin Award-winning relative not to use the hair dry while deep sea diving.
Unlike Canada, where the loser pays the winner’s legal fees, we Americans can just come up with one ridiculous charge after the other and keep trotting people in front of a judge until something sticks.
Here’s the complaint.**SCANDALOUS WHIPPERSNAPPER*(plaintiff’s real name is Erik Estavillo if you feel like prank calling him on a regular basis) was doing what SCANDALOUS*WHIPPERSNAPPERS*do best- being a RASCAL.* I can’t imagine what kind of vile, racist things were pouring from his*PUPPIES AND KITTENS *guttermouth, but it must have been enough for some moderator to bring the banhammer a’swingin’.
It, of course, doesn’t say what*the SCOUNDREL said to be banned for, but you can bet it wasn’t “Excuse me, sir, I was planning on taking that rifle grenade, as I am out.”* But then again, it doesn’t matter what he said, because again, in those 47 pages of End User License Agreements that most of us just blow through, it gives Sony the right to do generally whatever the hell they want to anyone they want to playing their game.* I’m sure, anyway, as I haven’t read it either.
Here’s the punchline.**The DEVILISH ROGUE*files a lawsuit claiming he’s having his first amendment “freedom of speech” rights impinged, as well as for pain and suffering.* Here’s a piece from the affidavit from Gamepolitics.com.
The pain and suffering was caused by the defendant, Sony, banning the plaintiff’s account on the PlayStation 3 Network, in which the plaintiff relies on to socialize with other people, since it’s the only way the plaintiff can truly socialize since he also suffers from Agoraphobia…
Wait, are we sure he’s suffering from a fear of crowds?* Are we sure he’s not just intolerable around other human beings?* I’d like to see him get diagnosed…
And usually those people who argue the loudest about having their rights taken away usually don’t have the first clue what those rights actually entail.* This is a perfect example, because guess what, kids?* The United States First Amendment is designed to protect people from the government, not against private companies.
Anyway,*the HOOLIGAN has decided that he’s going to represent himself in this case, because apparently playing enough of the Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney series makes one feel like a competent lawyer.**Let’s face it: *nothing says “serious legal battle” like*a kid in a ripped AC/DC shirt*with a*chain wallet.* I wonder if Sony is even going to send a lawyer to these proceedings?* I mean, I know they must have a crack legal team on retainer at all times, but this seems like they would put in a fourth or fifth stringer on this one.
Doesn’t this seem like a dick move anyway?* I mean, based on this, we can kind of see why Sony would have banned Mr. SCALAWAG, because we get a glimpse as to what kind of person he is.* A MISCREANT.
What do you think of this YOUNG HOODLUM’S lawsuit?* Does this REPROBATE’S*possible medical condition give him the right to be a*REPREHENSIBLE*NE’ER-DO-WELL in public?* Does he have a legal leg to stand on for banning his entire PSN online account for his actions in one game?
(Writer’s endnote: God, I wish I could swear on this site more.* http://sarcasticgamer.com/wp/wp-includes/images/smilies/icon_smile.gif )
Source (http://www.gamepolitics.com/2009/07/21/lawsuit-banned-resistance-player-alleges-sony-violated-free-speech-and-stole-his-money#comments)
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http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/TheSarcasticGamer/~4/WTTVtOnuz9M
Click here to view the article. (http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/TheSarcasticGamer/~3/WTTVtOnuz9M/sony-violated-my-free-speech-waaah.html)
(Writer’s note: the harsh language in this article is being revamped with kinder, gentler terms so no one will take offense or feel badly about themselves.)
A*NEFARIOUS**VAGABOND is filing a lawsuit against Sony for banning his entire PSN account after he said some things on Resistance: Fall of Man. I had to jump on top of this story and strangle the humor out of it.* I love guys like this; they’re so damn entertaining.
Hey, sixteen-year-olds studying for your college entrance exams! Today, we’re going to learn a new word. And that word is “litigious”:
a: disputatious, contentious
b: prone to engage in lawsuits
Americans are a litigious people.* We are always looking for a way to make a quick million so we can hastily retire to the Caribbean and own a bevy of female slaves to tickle our nether regions.
There’s a reason it tells you on a little sticker on the side of your hair dryer not to use it while deep sea diving.* It means that someone* died*using their hair dryer while deep sea diving, and their family dragged the hair dryer company through years of costly legal proceedings because it explicitly did not tell their Darwin Award-winning relative not to use the hair dry while deep sea diving.
Unlike Canada, where the loser pays the winner’s legal fees, we Americans can just come up with one ridiculous charge after the other and keep trotting people in front of a judge until something sticks.
Here’s the complaint.**SCANDALOUS WHIPPERSNAPPER*(plaintiff’s real name is Erik Estavillo if you feel like prank calling him on a regular basis) was doing what SCANDALOUS*WHIPPERSNAPPERS*do best- being a RASCAL.* I can’t imagine what kind of vile, racist things were pouring from his*PUPPIES AND KITTENS *guttermouth, but it must have been enough for some moderator to bring the banhammer a’swingin’.
It, of course, doesn’t say what*the SCOUNDREL said to be banned for, but you can bet it wasn’t “Excuse me, sir, I was planning on taking that rifle grenade, as I am out.”* But then again, it doesn’t matter what he said, because again, in those 47 pages of End User License Agreements that most of us just blow through, it gives Sony the right to do generally whatever the hell they want to anyone they want to playing their game.* I’m sure, anyway, as I haven’t read it either.
Here’s the punchline.**The DEVILISH ROGUE*files a lawsuit claiming he’s having his first amendment “freedom of speech” rights impinged, as well as for pain and suffering.* Here’s a piece from the affidavit from Gamepolitics.com.
The pain and suffering was caused by the defendant, Sony, banning the plaintiff’s account on the PlayStation 3 Network, in which the plaintiff relies on to socialize with other people, since it’s the only way the plaintiff can truly socialize since he also suffers from Agoraphobia…
Wait, are we sure he’s suffering from a fear of crowds?* Are we sure he’s not just intolerable around other human beings?* I’d like to see him get diagnosed…
And usually those people who argue the loudest about having their rights taken away usually don’t have the first clue what those rights actually entail.* This is a perfect example, because guess what, kids?* The United States First Amendment is designed to protect people from the government, not against private companies.
Anyway,*the HOOLIGAN has decided that he’s going to represent himself in this case, because apparently playing enough of the Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney series makes one feel like a competent lawyer.**Let’s face it: *nothing says “serious legal battle” like*a kid in a ripped AC/DC shirt*with a*chain wallet.* I wonder if Sony is even going to send a lawyer to these proceedings?* I mean, I know they must have a crack legal team on retainer at all times, but this seems like they would put in a fourth or fifth stringer on this one.
Doesn’t this seem like a dick move anyway?* I mean, based on this, we can kind of see why Sony would have banned Mr. SCALAWAG, because we get a glimpse as to what kind of person he is.* A MISCREANT.
What do you think of this YOUNG HOODLUM’S lawsuit?* Does this REPROBATE’S*possible medical condition give him the right to be a*REPREHENSIBLE*NE’ER-DO-WELL in public?* Does he have a legal leg to stand on for banning his entire PSN online account for his actions in one game?
(Writer’s endnote: God, I wish I could swear on this site more.* http://sarcasticgamer.com/wp/wp-includes/images/smilies/icon_smile.gif )
Source (http://www.gamepolitics.com/2009/07/21/lawsuit-banned-resistance-player-alleges-sony-violated-free-speech-and-stole-his-money#comments)
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